On the edge of forever...

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Thu Nov 29, 2007 9:52 pm

INTRODUCTION

A lot of people usually don't put an OOC introduction on their stories. However, I've decided it necessary to cover a few things.

This story is my I11 update for Jessica. It is by no means close to being finished...in fact, this may very well go on for many months of constant story writing to further Jessica's story.

In the first story, Searching, Jessica's backstory of believing her father was lost forever was introduced, as was her secret life as a cutter. The title served to tell what Jessica was doing...searching for ways to help her dad, searching for the people that had hurt him AND her, and then finally searching for him.

This story picks up four days ago.

Now, I want to take this opportunity to make my usual warning...however, this is going here, on the first post, so that it's easy to find, and easy to read first.

THIS STORY MIGHT BE TOO GRAPHIC FOR SOME READERS. I will NEVER go above PG-13 when I describe Jessica's problem, but please know...this is a very sensitive subject, one that many women AND MEN deal with everyday, not just in high-school, but in college and even the "grown-up" world. It is my hope to shine a light on a subject that is very often misunderstood, or (more often than not) simply ignored.

There is a discussion thread here. If you have any questions, or wish to talk about it, either post there, or feel free to PM me.

Thanks, God Bless, and...well...enjoy...

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Thu Nov 29, 2007 9:53 pm

“What am I going to do? THEY know!

“Come on, stupid keys…OPEN THE #&$^%(*# DOOR!!...UGGGH!

“I don’t CARE if anyone is in here…good…

“Just calm down, Jess…just calm down… Why did this happen…why?”

Thirty minutes earlier, in Pocket D…

Jessica hopped back up the stairs to the bar on the “hero” side of Pocket D. It may have been neutral ground, but when you deal with the good guys and the bad guys…lines are gonna be drawn somewhere.

She walked back to the hole in the circle that they had left for her. Nova, Sam, Eddie, Ty, Stasis, Alex…they were all here, just hanging out, just chatting, like they always did. It was nice to just hang out sometimes…

Jessica looked around, catching Sam eyeing her for a moment. Sam shifted her gaze, caught, and Jessica pulled at the sleeves of her jacket, making sure they were in place. She frowned, cursing her insecurities, and her upper arm just burned in a numbing pain, causing her to tense up a little. She smiled a bit, making sure to look very happy for everyone. Yes…just look happy for everyone… “Nothing is wrong, I haven’t a care in the world…”

Jessica suddenly felt very uneasy again. She saw Sam turn her head toward her and open her mouth, then stop and look down, interested in her shoelaces. Jessica frowned…

She knew Sam had followed her into the restroom…it wasn’t hard to notice…but still…by the time she was in there, Jessica was done. It wasn’t like Sam knew anything…

Jessica shouted out in pain, batting at the hand grabbing her upper arm. Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes, and she felt dizzy, like she was going to faint. She bit her lip and tried to keep her balance.

Sam let go of her arm, wide-eyed, and a stern look on her face. She gazed intently into Jessica’s eyes, looking right through her to her soul. In fact…everyone was looking at Jessica suddenly, and she noticed the conversation had ended.

Alex spoke up first, anxiety etched on her face. “Um…okay…you all right, Jessiy?”

Jessica covered her arm just under her shoulder with her free right hand, glaring at Sam and biting her lip. “Y-yeah…I’m…ok…”

No one looked convinced.

“What?” Jessica felt her eyes welling up with tears, and she fought with all her might not to cry.

Sam motioned with her head towards the reclamation machines. “We need to talk. Now.”

Jessica frowned, still trying not to cry, but followed anyway. When they were out of earshot and behind the corner, Jessica grabbed Sam by the arm and whirled her around to face her.

“What the hell was that for?” Then she closed her eyes and cursed under her breath, realizing her mistake. She doesn’t know…or she shouldn’t…way to call yourself out, idiot…

Sam didn’t seem to notice Jessica’s slip-up, because she was staring at the floor, choosing her words carefully. When she looked up, she took a deep breath and started.

“Okay…I know me and you never really ‘hang out’ hang out much…But, we sorta been through a lot, with the CVC…and all that, and I consider you my bud.” She paused, picking her next words.

Jessica nodded, trying her best to play ignorant. “Yeah…I…I’d like to think we’re friends, too…”

Sam started again, interrupting Jessica. “And you know I respect the work you do, and you as a person in general, right?”

Jessica nodded, a little confused and still in a bit of pain.

Sam sighed, opening and closing her mouth a few times, before she finally closed her eyes. She shot her hand forward, grabbing Jessica’s wrist and holding it firmly while she quickly lifted up Jessica’s sleeve with the other hand. Jessica’s blue skin was hard to see clearly in the blue light, but there was nothing there. Sam huffed a bit, clearly disappointed.

Jessica pulled her arm away, now raging, knowing what Sam was looking for. “What the hell?!?!” She pulled her sleeve back down, wincing a bit as her jacket brushed up against her shoulder. Sam took a deep breath. Jessica raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Listen, I been hearing a lot of rumors lately. And I went down in the bathroom before, and ... I dunno. Best way to find out something is flat out ask, right?”

“What have you heard?”

“’Few things… You tried to slit your wrists…You tried to commit suicide…And I thought I heard you cry in the bathroom, and I was gonna say something then, but then there was other people…”

Jessica simply stared at Sam, stunned. When she started again, her voice had seemed to desert her.

“I...

“Who...

“Where did you hear that?”

Sam continued, ignoring the question. “And I didn't want to cause this thing in front of other people, but then you've been mucking with your sleeves, and I touched your arm and you screamed, and then I know I'm not book smart, but I'm not stupid either. And believe it or not, I just don't want nothing to happen to you is all, I'm not trying to be a jerk on it or anything, but really, I don't want you to get hurt.”

Jessica was on the verge of tears. A fine mist began to form in the room, and the temperature dropped. “Wha-what are you getting at?”

Sam shrugged. “I dunno. Is it true?”

Jessica’s heart stopped. “I...it...” She couldn’t tell her.

Sam saw Jessica struggling with her words. “It's just me, Jess. C'mon. I trust you in the field with my life, right?”

Jessica just shook her head, a tear making its way down her cheek. “Why are you doing this?”

“'Cause I don't want anything to happen to you.”

Jessica closed her eyes, tears starting to stream down her face. I can’t do it! I…

“I...I'm fine...

“I'm fine...”

Sam pressed on. “And s'much as... I don't like what happened and stuff... your dad would be devastated if anything happened to you.”

Jessica’s knees wobbled. She put out a hand onto the wall to steady herself, and then she sat down, exhausted and, putting her head into her hands, began to sob. She didn’t want to hear what Sam had to say anymore…she didn’t want to think about another friend knowing what was going on…she didn’t want to think about what her dad thought…

“And if you were fine, you wouldn't be crying. And you're crying. Crying is not being fine, it's like the opposite of fine.” Sam put her arm on Jessica’s other shoulder, sitting down beside her, concern etched on her face.

“I...

“Who told you?”

Jessica looked over as Sam’s eyes shifted down to her shoes. Sam was biting her lip, not wanting to answer.

“Who? Who told you, Sam? Just tell me, dammit!”

“No.”

Jessica wrung her hands, then started scratching at the back of her left hand furiously. She needed to know…someone had betrayed her…How could they DO this to me?! “So it's ok that they tell what I told them in CONFIDENCE, and you can't tell who told you?!” Jessica hung her head again, her body shaking as she sobbed. She wiped her nose before continuing, barely able to speak without taking deep breaths quickly.

“I've NEVER tried to k-k-kill myself…I-I'm not s-s-suicidal, dammit!”

There was a shuffling sound behind the girls. Then came another voice, and Jessica’s heart skipped another beat.

“Then why?”

Jessica didn’t even hear Sam ask “So then what,” she was sobbing so loud. Jessica turned as far as she could to see behind them.

Eddie faded into view in the corner on the other side of the room. His face echoed Sam’s concern, and his eyes looked very sad.

Jessica screamed in rage...

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Sun Dec 02, 2007 3:40 pm

“EDDIE!!!

“NO NO NO!!”

Jessica jumped up and crammed herself in the corner, burying her face in her hands, her small body shaking with uncontrollable sobs. Sam was on her feet behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. The temperature in the room had dropped considerably, and she saw her breath steaming. A slight static shock caused Sam to pull her hand away. She noticed a few strands of Jessica’s hair begin to stand up as electricity began to build in the air.

Eddie’s voice echoed in the girls’ minds. “Calm down…”

Jessica only sobbed harder. “LEAVE ME ALONE!!! ALL OF YOU” she screamed, trying to hide in the corner.

Sam stepped forward, extending a hand again. “Jess, listen...”

“SHUT UP!”

“No. C'mon, whatever it is? We're buddies…” Her voice had taken a tone of motherly concern, trying to console her friend. Jessica only shook her head furiously, still sobbing in the corner.

“No no no...”

Sam furrowed her brow, worried. “We don't want anything happening to you, s'all.”

Jessica didn’t seem to hear. She kept shaking her head, her voice almost a whisper. “Why is this happening...”

Sam crossed her arms in front of her. “You tell me.”
Jessica whirled around, glaring at Sam and Eddie, her eyes bloodshot, her face a deep, dark purple. “I'm FINE…I'm FINE!!”

“You're not.”

Eddie spoke up this time, his voice still echoing in their minds. “Then why are you doing this if you're fine?”

Jessica shook, and then sniffed, wiping her nose. “B-b-because...I dddddidn't have to th-think about...d-d-daddy...” Jessica buried her face again in sobs, remembering the torment that she had endured for the last year. Not knowing if he would ever remember. And then, when she discovered the man who had come back wasn’t her dad…not knowing whether he was alive or not…and then the memory of her abduction by the Council…she began to cry even harder, and she fell back down to her knees.

“Your dad?” Sam asked, putting her hand on Jessica’s shoulder.

“Wh-when I thought he had been t-t-turned into a warshade...and forgotten everything...it m-made me focus on s-something else…I've never t-t-tried to k-kill myself...I d-don’t want t-t-to…”

“Sorta like... one pain cancels out the other?”

Jessica nodded, sniffling, her eyes closed. Tears were still streaming down her face, but the air in the room had started to get warmer again as Jessica began to calm down a bit.

“But... he's back, bud. Remember?” Sam laughed a little, trying to cheer her friend up.

“I kn-kn-know…”

“Swoop in, save the day? He's back.”

“But you can't stop...can you...?”

Jessica shook her head, then sighed. “Where do you th-think I was for the t-two weeks I was g-g-gone? N-no...I don't w-w-want to stop...it makes me f-feel in control of SOMETHING in my l-l-life...”

“You have control over more than you think” Eddie replied.

Jessica only shook her head, sobbing. What are you talking about? You don’t know me, she thought. I can’t control anything BUT this…

“You got plenty of control. C'mon, you got friends, like me an' Eddie, and you got the CVC, we all look up to you, Jess. And your dad? He's here for you.”

Jessica frowned, and the air suddenly chilled harshly. “HE'S here for ME?!?! He left for a YEAR! He didn't tell me he was OK…and then he sends me off for two weeks...TWO WEEKS...to try and get me help. No...He doesn't understand...”

Eddie and Sam looked at each other. “Did you ever think that maybe he wanted to, but couldn't?”

Jessica sniffled again, shaking her head. “A postcard...flowers...a singing telegram...SOMETHING…he didn’t let me know…” Jessica sighed. I guess I can’t fight them…might as well tell them I’m ok…that way they don’t need to worry about me doing something stupid…

“I've hit my wrists twice...never at the same time though...can't do it...”

Sam looked down at the ground, clearly uncomfortable with that revelation. Eddie’s eyes widened for a moment, then returned to normal.

Sam spoke up finally, leaving the subject of her wrists behind. “Did you talk to him?”

“Dad?”

“Yeah. Air Man.”

Jessica wiped a stray tear off her face. “No...We were supposed to talk about it...he sent me off to that clinic for the two weeks we were supposed to spend together...”

“Whenever me and my Dad have a problem, we talk about it. And he's gone a couple years now. I mean, I talk to him and stuff…He just wants you to get help…”

“I don't NEED help” Jessica replied, sniffling loudly and cursing as she wiped her nose with her sleeve. Sam opened up her backpack and pulled out a few old napkins. She handed a few to Jessica.

“I have it under control...thanks…” Jessica put the napkins down on her knee, then blew her nose loudly into one. As she was wiping her nose, Eddie chimed in.

“Jess?”

“Wha?”

“This is no way for anyone to live. Trust me on this one.”

Jessica turned her head to look to her right, where Eddie was standing, and glared at him.

“Even if you cover up the pain? It's still there. It's never gonna go away unless you face it head on.”

“Do you not understand this? I WANT this.”

Jessica turned her head back to the corner, closing her eyes and thinking. “It's like smoking...except without the cancer...or drinking…just without the failing liver…”

Sam tilted her head to one side, her mouth open in shock. “Then... you do need help.”

“I don't need help...just...just leave me alone.”

Eddie shook his head. “No, no cancer. No liver failure. Eventually you just bleed to death.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “I'm not trying to kill myself…and I don't do anything dangerous...”

“Maybe not. But if you keep up, it's going to happen anyway.”

“I'm not stupid.”

Jessica had her eyes closed again. The air was still frigidly cold, and the teens’ hair was starting to stand on end again. Sam looked up at Eddie, giving him a nod, then slowly and quietly stood up, leaving the room, her hand slipping into her pocket and pulling out her cell phone…

Blitzen · Post by **Blitzen** » Mon Dec 03, 2007 12:59 am

She sat and listened to the words Jessiy were saying, wishing she was someplace else. She didn't want to believe it, not from Jess. She looked up to Jessiy, they specifically picked Jessiy to head up the CVC. And sure there were rumors, they said she tried to commit suicide, they said that she was in some sort of masochistic cult, but I mean, rumors don't mean anything, right? There's always rumors.

But still, Jess flat out admitted it, she has a problem. Sam sat and listened to her words wishing she knew what to say, what to do.

Stop.

It seemed so simple. If you're hurting yourself? Stop. Jess said it took away the other kinds of pain, like the pain of missing her father. The words resonated inside Sam's head. She missed her dad too, and it hurt something fierce on the inside. Of course hurting herself on the outside wouldn't be so easy, maybe that's why it never crossed her mind?

What if Jess didn't stop? What if she really hurt herself and no one was there and she died? It was like Timothy, on the roof. She couldn't just leave. She wished she knew what to say, what to do, do something... anything.

Eddie was there. Maybe he'd know. Why didn't he seem as scared? Sam chewed at the inside of her lip. They were just kids... this was a problem, a real, serious could mean death situation. They needed help.

She backed out of the room slow enough to not be noticed. Eddie was with Jess, he wouldn't let anything happen. A knot formed in the tanker's stomach. Call someone. Call someone and get help. It was like last time with the robot. He said something wasn't right, she didn't do anything and people got hurt. Bryan got hurt. Not this time, though, not this time. She'd do the right thing, she'd call.

The number was programmed into her phone, she put it there in case of emergency. I mean, he'd helped once. He can help again, right? And it's his daughter. He'll come, he'll get her, and she'll be fine. He'll know what to do because he's an adult.

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered. Sam took a deep breath.

"Hello, Mr. St. Peter? You may not remember me... my name's Sam. I'm a friend of Jessiy's."

It was hard, talking to him, telling him there was a problem. She'd only met him maybe twice, and here she was telling him his daughter not only cut herself, but that he could be partly to blame.

He knew.

He knew she'd been hurting herself, he'd known since he was undercover. Sam wasn't really sure what that meant, but she knew it meant this wasn't something new for Jess. Why didn't he do something? He was her father. Sam thoughts went to her own dad. He asked questions that weren't always easy to answer, but he never let up. Without being physically there, he was there. Always. Her mind raced. She didn't mean to be so biting, but she was scared, and she panicked and he was an adult. Adults were supposed to fix things like this. They were supposed to have the answers.

"No disrespect, sir, but she needs you. You can't just swoop in, save her life, and then go about your business like she doesn't exist, or act like she's just there when it's good for your schedule. She's got a problem, and she needs you." If she'd have time to think, she'd have phrased it softer.

"Unfortunately, there's a war going on..." He replied, as if she didn't know. "I'm trying to get her help though, don't worry...and no disrespect taken, but I AM here for her.She doesn't want to talk about this...I try to bring it up...she just shrugs me off."

"Of course she's gonna shrug it off, she doesn't want to deal with it."

"That's fine and dandy, but there isn't much I can do other than getting her to see a psychiatrist." Not much he can do?

"But you're the parent. You GOTTA deal with it. Passing her off to some clinic isn't going to do anything. Ask her why sometime. Talk to her. Listen to her."

"Do you think I haven't tried that, miss? Do you think I don't feel guilty enough, that this is MY fault? Do you think I don't know that I'm the one to blame for all this? Don't pretend to lecture me, missy...And DON'T pretend to think that I don't know how to raise MY daughter." Panic subsided to anger. He should come. He should come and pick her up, and take her home and say he loves her and say everything will be okay because that's what parents should do. Jess was just a kid.

"So you want to hide your head in the sand too?

"How dare you!" He yelled, but she was unphazed.

"That's fine. She talked to me 'cause she knows I won't quit on her." Her heart thumped, and adrenaline surged, causing a pounding sound in her ears.

"Miss, I don't know who you think you are, but if you think I'm hiding from my problems, you are sorely mistaken, and I would prefer to keep my personal life from you."

"You're gonna get mad at me for caring enough about your daughter to say something to you?" She challenged.

"You watch your tone with me, young lady. How dare you think I don't care about my daughter?" He shot back. Watch her tone?

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I never said you don't care about her. I just said you need to be there for her. S'a difference."

"I believe I've had enough of talking with you, miss...goodnight" Sam's eyes narrowed into slits, and she gritted her teeth together.

"G'night Sir. I'll keep an eye on Jess. You have a good rest." She went to push the off button with her thumb, but accidentally crushed through the phone. Stupid fragile world with its stupid breakable stuff. Stupid conversation. Sam took a deep breath and unclenched her fists.

Hopefully, she'd find something un-stupid to say to Jess.

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:41 pm

Jessica smacked the ground with an open hand in frustration. “Just...UGGGGH!!”

Eddie audibly sighed, then projected his voice into Jessica’s mind. "So, you're just going to keep cutting away until there's nothing left but scar tissue? Sure, it'll be interesting to look at. But still..."

Jessica said nothing, her eyes locked on the corner in front of her. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. “Just leave me alone...I don't want help...”

Eddie furrowed his brow, concentrating on the blue girl in front of him. So incredibly strong…and yet so afraid, so incredibly insecure…he didn’t even need to read her mind to know that. He breathed slowly, steadily, concentrating on where Sam had grabbed Jessica. The sleeve of the jacket indented slightly, as if an invisible hand had grabbed hold of the girl’s arm.

Jessica frowned a bit, wincing, before she let out a surprised shout, swatting at her arm and the invisible hand. Eddie blinked, breaking his telekinesis, concern etched on his face.

"So, that's your idea of control?"

Jessica snapped her head around to face Eddie. “You did that!”

“Yes. I did.”

Jessica frowned, letting out a frustrated sigh and crossing her arms, turning back to face the corner. “It's fine when I'M the one doing it...if I can't control it, like YOU doing THAT, then it REALLY hurts...”

Eddie shook his head. “Don't you see that it hurts other people too?

“I'm betting your dad was pretty hurt when he had to send you away.”

Jessica scoffed at Eddie. “He didn't HAVE to do it…”

“What else was he supposed to do? He's just trying to do what's best for you. I'm sure of it.”

Jessica shrugged, no longer in the mood to argue. Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll just go away…

It was few minutes before Eddie decided to push the matter again.

“...Jess?”

“What?”

“I haven't seen my dad in near three years, y'know...?” Jessica rolled her eyes, knowing what Eddie was getting at.

“He's off in the isles somewhere. Never bothers to see how I'm doing, never writes. None of that...I don't even know if he's alive anymore...”

Jessica closed her eyes, remembering the cause of all the night’s problems. “Daddy...WAS dead...that's why this all started...he was as good as dead...didn't remember a thing...didn't know who I was...his memory could never be recovered...he had to start all over again...and then when he came back...it had been going on for so long...and the war...” She sniffled, wiping her nose with one of Sam’s napkins still on her knee. “James...Arkady...everyone that kept getting hurt or killed...it was too much...” She closed her eyes as tears began to fall again. There was a slight rustle behind, and she felt Sam put her hand on her shoulder again, squeezing “gently” in reassurance. Jessica shook her head, trying to forget, trying not to remember, not now. She bit her lip, then opened her eyes as she looked up towards the ceiling. So much suffering…so much pain…

The kids jumped suddenly as a high-pitched version of “Wild Blue Yonder” began to play. Jesscia grabbed for her pocket, reaching in and pulling out her cell-phone. “What the...”

In bright orange letters on the front flashed one word:

DADDY

“Wha...hang on, my dad is calling me...” Jessica opened her phone, as Sam suddenly found an interest in her shoelace, averting her eyes from Jessica’s confused gaze. Eddie nodded.

Jessica hit the talk button, bringing the phone to her ear. “Hello?

“What...who?” Jessica quickly turned to look over at Sam, who had looked up, eyes a bit wider than normal. Jessica glared as the voice on the phone continued. “She did?

“NO!! I...”

Sam reached for her backpack, zipping it up as she brought it closer.

“Daddy! No...she said what?!?” Sam looked up again just in time for Jessica to mouth the words “What the hell?” She turned back, looking at the ground as she listened. “Yes...yes...tomorrow...monday...Three p…no, I don't need a ride to mak…” Jessica stopped mid sentence, her face in utter disbelief at what her dad had just suggested. She snapped back “What, you don't trust me now?”

Sam and Eddie both looked up as Jessica winced a bit, the voice at the other end of the phone suddenly audible to the rest of the room.

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Sorry...no no no...because it's a friday night, sheesh…oh my gosh...” She brought her free hand up, pinching the bridge of her nose and shutting her eyes in frustration, trying to stay patient and respectful to her dad. “Ok, ok. Yeah...allright...goodnight daddy, I...I love you too...yeah...bye.” Jessica tapped the end button, exhaling.

Sam and Eddie both shuddered. The air in the room was now frigid.

“Sam...what…the hell...were you thinking?”

Sam sighed, ready to continue the battle and not back down. “That... I didn't want you to get hurt, and that I'm just a kid who can't fix what's wrong? And that he's your pop, and he can…”

She never finished her sentence: A brilliant flash erupted in the room as lightning bolts arched out from Jessica’s body in all directions, thunder erupting like a thousand cannons firing at once. Sam and Eddie both jumped to their feet and away from Jessica as she hovered off the ground, wind whipping around her, electricity dancing around her hands…

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Sun Dec 16, 2007 5:51 pm

“YOU CALLED MY DAD?!!?! WHAT THE HELL?”

Sam looked down to the ground. In a meek voice she started to reply, “I call my dad all the time…”

“I don't care what you do with your dad” Jessica snapped back. The air crackled, and sparks played on her hands. The wind had died down, and Jessica’s feet were firmly on the ground once again.

“I just ... I'm worried 'bout you is all.”

Jessica shook her head, dismissing Sam and ignoring her response. “Don't you call MY dad and tell HIM how to raise his own kid.” She threw her hands into the air. “I mean, holy shit!”

Sam’s head snapped up so that she was looking Jessica in the eyes. “I SO did NOT do that.” She had found her voice again.

Jessica stood, staring at Sam, her mouth open in disbelief. Then she brought her hand up, pointing to her upper arm. “He already KNOWS I do this!”

Sam nodded, shrugging. “I didn't know he knew,” she replied innocently, her hands open in front of her. “All I said was that he could take some time for you s’all.”

Jessica shook her head. “You don't think he IS?! Oh my gosh...” She closed her eyes, rubbing her temples. The air was still chilled in the room, but the electricity had died for the moment.

“If you're cutting yourself on account of him? Maybe taking you to dinner once a week isn't enough.”

“Once a...what the hell?” Jessica opened her eyes to glare at Sam again. “I see my dad everyday!”

Sam nodded, choosing her next words. “I don't see mine at all, but he knows what's going on in my life…”

“What?!”

“…He makes sure of it.”

Jessica pounded her hand into the wall next to her. “My dad is a DAMN good father…”

“I didn't say he wasn't.” Sam shrugged again, innocently.

“I...UGGGH!” Jessica pulled at her hair, her face a deep purple and her eyes puffy.

“Just that... you maybe need HIS help with this, not some clinic….”

“I can't BELIEVE you!” Jessica turned her wrist to look at her watch. “And you felt it necessary to TELL him this at 4 in the morning?!”

“Look, you can go and be mad at me all you want. And you can even go and hate me if you want, on account of its easier to hate something that's physically here.” Sam had her arms on her hips now, her expression a mix of concern and determination to stand by her friend. “But I don't want anything to happen to you, and if I didn't say nothing to no one and it did, what sorta friend would I be?”

Jessica stammered, unable to get her words out. “I...you...don't...I....”

Sam just continued on. “And who was I supposed to tell? The school? No. Your dad, on account of I know he loves you.”

“YES!! HE DOES.” Jessica closed her eyes in frustration, scratching her left arm furiously. “Oh my GOD!”

“…'Cause he says it, even when you're not there. So if he's mad at me, and you're mad at me, fine, you got common ground. Hang out and be mad at me together.”

Jessica shook her head. She had had enough. She wanted to just leave. Just go back, go to sleep, and try to forget it all. “Just...leave me alone...I'm going to my room...”

Sam shrugged, picking up her back-pack. “I'll take the walk.”

Jessica shook her head, trying to get around Sam, who was blocking her only escape out of the corner. Sam stood firmly in place, not willing to move. Jessica huffed in frustration, hey eyes welling up with tears again.

Eddie’s voice filled her mind at that moment. “Y'know this isn't gonna be left alone right?”

Jessica rolled her eyes, shrugging. “Whatever…”

“Jess?” Jessica reached into her pocket, fishing for the razor that was still in there from earlier, as Sam kept speaking. “If I didn’t give a damn about you, I wouldn’t have done anything.”

Jessica found the razor, pulled it out. Sam saw it first, her eyes going wide. Jessica held it up for her to see it, then tossed it on the ground in front of her. “Here. Happy? Now let me go home…”

Jessica moved to walk away again, but this time Sam moved to stop her. Jessica breathed heavy, trying to keep her patience.

“Sam...I'm not gonna say it again...get out of my way…”

“And if Eddie didn't care bout you, he wouldn't have stuck around.” Sam wasn’t finished, and she was gonna make sure Jessica heard the rest of what she had to say.

Jessica just shook her head, chuckling a little in disbelief that this was still going on. “I just want to be left ALONE…”

“I just want you to be all right.”

“I'm FINE. Why don't you believe me?”

“I dunno. Maybe 'cause I'm scared.”

Jessica shrugged. “Well...don't be.” Jessica picked up her hands, moving her jacket sleeves back to show her wrists to Sam. “See? Nothing. I’m safe…”

Sam just shrugged, unconvinced. “Can't help it if I am. It just sorta happens.”

Eddie extended his hand forward again, towards Jessica. “Do I need to show you why you're not, again?”

Jessoca glared daggers at him. “Back off, Eddie.”

“No.”

“Friends don't quit out, Jess. Not real friends.”

Jessica waved her arms above her head in frustration. “Fine, then don't. But I believe friends also don't HARASS each other.” She motioned to shoo Sam away. “Now MOVE.” Jessica walked forward, and when Sam didn’t move, she tried shoving her out of the way. Real smart, Jessiy…try shoving the TANK out of the way…

Sam crossed her arms in front of her, not moving. “Hold up, one more sec.”

Jessica sighed, crossing her arms as well and nodding, clearly unwilling to hear the rest of what Sam had to say.

“What if the shoe was on the other foot?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if it were me? If I started taking supes, or whatever the Skulls jack themselves up on?” Jessica sighed. “What if I started taking phreak 'cause it made my pain go way. Wouldja let me?”

Jessica was silent, breathing slowly and steadily. “Probably...I'd stop you...” She bowed her head, staring at the ground, frowning. “Or try to...”

“What if I went and was getting drunk every night? Or... or... what if I was hitting the warzone solo, just to prove I could, that what happened to me and you and them wouldn't happen again?”

Jessica bit her lip to keep it from quivering, not wanting to imagine Sam doing these things. “I'd have to talk with you...and you'd give me the same crap...”

Sam nodded. Jessica looked back up toward the ceiling, wiping away a stray tear from her eye.

Sam reached out, grabbing Jessica’s hand and squeezing very lightly, knowing that to the blue girl in front of her it would be hard enough. “'Cause you're my friend.”

Jessica shook her head, another tear rolling down her cheek. “I'm fine...really...”

“Promise me.”

Jessica gasped for air as more tears started to fall. “What do you want me to promise you? I can't promise you anything right now...ESPECIALLY after this,” she waved her arms for emphasis, “fiasco.”

“That you won't. That if I move, and you go back to your dorm, that you aren't going to cut yourself.”

Jessica shook her head, crying again. “I can't promise you anything...I'm sorry...I am ITCHING all over right now…I am so...so frustrated...and betrayed...and hurt...” She gasped again, weeping harder. “And all I want to do is just cut until all I can think about is how much it hurts, and not worry about anything else...”

Sam shrugged, the answer so simple and clear to her. “Take a swing at me if you'll feel better.”

“No...”

“Why? I'm the cause of it, right?”

“Because...”

“'Cause why?”

“...cause you're still my friend...at least I hope you are...” Jessica looked into Sam’s eyes, her face a bright purple.

Sam nodded. “I... hope so too, on account of I didn't stop.”

“Cause the last two people to find out aren't...and the third one is probably the one that told...am I right?”

Sam shrugged. “I dunno who else you told. I know who I heard it from, I.. didn't wanna believe it. And I should've, a lot sooner.”

Jessica wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Tears were still falling down her face.

“Do you remember the night James came back...and then went and killed himself? When the War started?”

Sam nodded. Most everyone in the school knew that night. And most everyone knew what had really happened, that James wasn’t killed: that he had killed himself in rage and anger and pain and betrayal, when he came back home to find his girlfriend and his roommate had seemingly forgotten him.

Jessica sniffled, wiping her nose again. “Kat found out that night...after I called on the comm for help...I told Arkady a little bit after that...” She closed her eyes, clenching her fists. “And then I told Gabe...because HE couldn't stop healing me...” She motioned to Eddie and Sam. “And now y'all know...”

“Well... Eddie? Nobody keeps a secret better than Eddie.”

Jessica closed her eyes, ignoring Sam for the moment. “The whole school better not know tomorrow, or I WILL take a swing at you, Sam...”

“I wouldn't do that to you, Jess. Not ever.”

“Nobody'll know. Not from us anyway.”

“Why do you think I asked you to come with me? And not say anything in front of no one else?”

Jessica shook her head in disbelief at the entire situation. She couldn’t believe the events that had transpired this night. I can't believe this... She looked up to Sam. “Yeah, well you felt it necessary to grab my frickin arm...”

Sam furrowed her brow, looking very guilty and sad. “I coulda handled that better.”

Jessica nodded in agreement. “Well, you have my razor...can I go now?”

“I dunno. Can you promise me?”

Jessica shook her head. “No. I can promise you I'll wake up in 8 hours…”

“Can you promise me you'll try not to?”

Jessica sighed. “I'll try.”

“Promise me.”

“Ok...I'll try...”

Sam looked at Jessica, hoping she understood how important her promise was. “I never went back on a promise, not my entire life, Jess, not to no one. Ever. I promise I'm not going to tell any of the kids at school.”

“Ok...thank you.” She shook her head. “Although they all probably know anyway...”

“It won't be from me, and it won't be from Eddie.”

Eddie nodded in agreement. Sam looked at him, locking eyes for a moment. Then she sighed, moving over to the right, giving Jessica a clear path out of the room.

Jessica sighed, frustrated and defeated. “Thank you...now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to bed...”

“I'll see you in the morning, Jess.”

“Yeah...ok. Goodnight...”

She turned her back to Eddie and Sam and walked out of the small room. The rest of their group was already gone, back to the dorms no doubt. It was now nearly 5 am. Jessica ran down the stairs to the elevator, past the bouncer and then out the doors.
___________________________________________________________

When she got to her quad, the keys wouldn’t go into the lock. She cursed under her breath, until the door finally opened. She threw herself onto her bed and buried her head into her pillow, sobbing. She felt so naked, so exposed. Sam knows now…and so does Eddie…who else knows? She picked herself up, moved to her desk. She opened a drawer, found the band-aid box, and opened it up, dumping the contents onto the desktop. Five band-aids, a tube of Neosporin…and three more razor blades. She picked up one the blades, held out her exposed arm…

And then dropped the blade. Her eyes were closed, and the moment the blade hit the ground and let out a metal clang!, she breathed out, slowly, a lone tear rolling down her face.

“I’ll try…”

She picked up the fallen razor, put it back in the box along with the rest of the former contents of the box, and then put it back in her drawer. She pulled off her pants, putting on a pair of red pajama pants with penguins, and then hopped into bed. What a night…oh God, why did this happen… She rolled over, still crying a bit, and eventually, she was asleep.

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 3:47 pm

It's cold out there...better bring a jacket.

It's a nice jacket...black outside, dark purple liner. My sleeves are rolled up...more so to discourage me from going below my elbow when I...yeah. I pull out the jacket and put it on, right arm first, and then slowly inching my left arm in. It rubs against my arm just below my shoulder, and an overwhelming feeling of nausea causes me to stop and close my eyes, taking in short, quick breaths, trying to calm down. Putting on my t-shirt was hard enough...I really need to consider baggier clothing. I finish pulling the jacket on, zip it up a bit, and then throw on some gloves. I pick up my comm off my desk along with my cell phone, putting the phone in my pocket and my comm over my ear, pressing the "ON" button.

There is a slight crackle as the comm tunes into the channel, and then instantly a single voice comes in loud and clear.

"Hey! It was a bet, ok? Besides, I didn't look THAT bad!" Ty...can't believe they're still talking about that bikini...

"I'm still having nightmares of that, Ty..."

"Yeah...I'm trying to forget it...thanks for reminding me."

A few people laugh in agreement. I let out a little giggle, then lower the volume on the comm. If anybody needs me, they'll either be screaming or calling my phone...besides, I'd rather not let people know I'm out of my room...let alone that I'm going to see my "therapist."

I open the door to my quad, look down the hall, then walk out, closing and locking the door behind me. I leave the dorm and enter the frozen courtyard. It's freezing cold, and ice is everywhere. Probably one thing I didn't get from my father...the ability to control weather on a MUCH larger scale...either that or I haven't had the training he had...maybe that's a good thing...I'd hate to think what would happen if I had THAT much power and I was distraught. The hole in the wall above Yuki's pillow flashes into my mind and I laugh, then force the air around me to start rotating, picking me up off the ground. I put my hands behind me, as if grasping the very air, and pull my hands forward. A wind forms, and I'm propelled forward, toward the city. Cold air whips past my face and blowing my hair behind me...

My hair...as if I wasn't insecure enough, now my hair has to go and change on me too...It had taken me 2 weeks to notice something was wrong, that my hair was fading slowly. Tells you how much attention I REALLY pay to my hair...either that or had bad the lighting is in the bathroom...Scruffy really needs to change the lights in there. Everyone thought I had done it on purpose...I don't know how I'd have done that...bleaching would have just made my blue hair green, right? It could be ok...I can do whatever I want now...I could even be a redhead...but, I never realized how much I liked my hair blue...and in all fairness, the white isn't so bad either. At least...until the kids start realizing they're justified in calling me a "smurf" now...I've never liked that...

I snap back to my journey, realize I'm in the city limits now. I drop low and begin weaving through the buildings of Steel Canyon, seeing the occasional little kid point up at me and waving or the occasional Outcast drop a purse he's stealing and make a run for it. Funny what having powers does...they assume I'm a hero. Sure...I was, for a while, going out and patrolling with daddy, and I still go out patrolling on my own. I guess...I just don't feel very heroic...Heroes don't have "baggage" when it comes to themselves. Sure, they may have interesting pasts...but how many of them don't like that they're blue?

I stop the wind that's propelling me, and I begin to slowly drop to the ground. When I'm a foot off the ground, the winds circling me dissipate, and I land. I straighten my jacket, and quickly run my hands through my hair to put it back into SOME semblance of order.

I look up above the door I've landed in front of. "Knapp Center for Mental Health." Yeah...leave it to the Air Force to recommend a place with the words "mental health" in the title. I sigh and open the door, like I have for five weeks before today. The woman behind the receptionist counter looks up and smiles warmly at me.

"Well hello, Jessica, darling! I love what you did to your hair!"

I blush, and I know that I'm now a bright purple as the blood rushes to my cheeks. "Thanks, Ms. Cole. I actually...didn't do this..."

She tilts her head in slight confusion, but continues to smile. "Oh? Well, it's still just lovely on you. I can see your face so much better now, dear."

I blush, turning a deeper purple. "Thank you. Is Doctor Victoria in?"

Ms. Cole turns and looks at her computer. "He should be getting done with his two o'clock appointment in the next few minutes. He'll come and get ya when's ready, dear."

I nod and turn to sit down on a chair in the waiting room. Dr. Victoria was a nice enough guy, at least. I've never felt comfortable talking with the women doctors, especially about my cutting. They've always seemed so...distant, from my problem. Never really understanding why I do it. Never able to really help me, like they always said they tried to do.

Dr. Victoria, though...he doesn't want to try to help me get better. He wants me to stop, just like everyone else, don't get me wrong...but his approach just seems so different. The last two times I've been to visit him, it's been strange...he'll sit down, just start shooting the breeze with me, and then he'll just be quiet and let me vent, let ME talk. And the subject will come up, he'll ask if I cut because of anything I've told him, and I'll let him know why I did it this week, and when, and how bad. And he'll just write on his little notepad, nodding to let me know he's understood me, smiling and laughing when I'm just being dumb, furrowing his brow or raising an eyebrow when I say something sobering. And every time I've left...I don't know. I've felt better, I guess...

"Jessiy?"

I look up, and he's there, standing over me, smiling warmly, his ice blue eyes shining brightly behind his glasses. This week he's wearing a blue tie with very glum-looking Eeyore on it, and the words "I don't like Mondays" written above him. I kinda giggle, and get up off the chair.

"So, how are you today, Jessiy? See the game yesterday?" He puts his hand on my back, leading me to his office or making sure I don't run for the door; I've never been really sure, but it's nice and reassuring, almost protecting. I take my seat near the window, like I did last week, and smile at him. He sits down on his couch, picking up the notepad from the table in front of him and flipping to a new page, then pulls out a pencil and looks up, smiling.

I take a deep breath, ready for the question I know he's going to ask.

"So...how was your week?"

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Fri Feb 01, 2008 9:22 am

Jessica turned the water off, resting her forehead on the wall in front of her. Water ran down her back, escaping from the tangle of white hair that now occupied her head. She closed her eyes; making a fist, she brought up her right hand and put it next to her head on the wall.

She itched. Her whole body felt like it was on fire. She bit her lip, the sensation enough to keep her focused.

I can't believe Scarlett went through my desk...how did she even know? Jessica thought for a moment, then moved her head like she was shaking it, her forehead still planted on the wall under the showerhead. Maybe that's what she does...she just knows... Her eyes opened slowly, and she focused on a spot on the white and brown tile below her, just in front of her blue toes. Her eyes moved to her toes, and she wiggled them, reminded for a moment of easier, more innocent times: bubble baths and speedboat races and Cool Whip bowls, her daddy laughing as she splashed around in the tub.

Jessica sighed, then moved her eyes higher up her leg, to her thigh. She frowned, and shuddered a little at the sight of her mutilated leg. Old scars criss-crossed her thigh, lighter in hue than the rest of her leg. She ran her left hand over them, feeling them rise off her skin, and she frowned even more, wincing slightly as she brushed over newer scars from a few days ago.

Eddie's voice cut clear into her mind as she remembered that horrific night so long ago. "So, you're just going to keep cutting away until there's nothing left but scar tissue? Sure, it'll be interesting to look at. But still..." She shuddered again, closing her eyes and pushing off the wall so that she stood straight up. She rotated her head, popping her stiff neck, then she leaned her head back and looked straight up to the ceiling, breathing deeply.

Two days...think you can go another? At the thought of another day, the itch came back, her skin crawling with a lack of the pain her body was use to feeling at this moment. Even the tile seemed to get colder, as if it too was mad that it hadn't recieved it's due. She shook, the cold air finally registering with her wet body, and she turned around, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself, drying herself off. She got to her thigh and stopped, gently dabbing at the sore area.

Three days...

Jessica sighed, the towel wrapped tightly around her. She bent to pick up her shampoo and conditioner bottles off the shower floor, and then she left the shower to return to her room.

Scarlett was sitting on her bed, pulling on her shoes. She looked up as Jessica walked in, and her face contorted into a devilish grin, dark eyes darting to and from Jessica's hidden thigh and her exposed arm. Jessica just ignored the other girl, walking to her own area and sitting on her own bed, pulling on her underpants and strapping on her bra. She pulled her skirt on under her towel before she removed it. She looked behind her quickly, and saw that Scarlett had been watching intently, disappointment now playing over her face. Jessica turned back and went to her closet, quickly throwing on her shirt. She stopped for a moment, then looked back at her desk, and her eyes widened.

"What's the matter, 'blue'?"

The grin was back. Jessica whirled around, the air crackling with static; a few hairs on Scarlett's head started to stand on end. Jessica held up the box of Band-aids, her face turning a deep purple as she raged.

"Don't 'blue' me! And stay out of my desk, you bitch!" She turned and threw open a drawer in the desk, tossed the box in, and slammed it shut.

"Or what? And besides, I needed one. No need to be greedy and hog them all, I doubt you're gonna go through a hundred in the next day." Her eyes darted back to Jessica's arm for a moment. Jessica noticed, and she moved her other hand up and grabbed the area, trying to hide it more from the X-Ray stare Scarlett was giving her. Scarlett grinned. "Well...maybe you will, who knows."

"Screw you!"

"Sorry, you're not my type."

Jessica glared daggers at Scarlett. "Stay out of my desk, Scarlett." She grabbed her back pack and slung it over her shoulder, then picked up her jacket off the back of her chair and her tie from under it. "Next time I WILL go..."

"And what? Report that I took a band-aid from the girl who seems to collect the damn things?" Scarlett shook her head. "You won't report me."

Jessica went bright purple in the face again, her knuckles almost skyblue as she clenched them. She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Scarlett's muffled giggle found it's way to Jessica's ears.

Three days...three days...

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:34 am

Dr. Victoria's looking at me, his eyebrows arched, concern very visible on his face. I just sigh, trying not to meet his gaze. I know what he must be thinking...

Complain to the school. Get out of that room. Don't be near that girl anymore.

"Jessiy...This girl, Scarlett...she has no right..."

"To go through my things, yeah, I know," I interrupt. "But if I turn her in, they're gonna send me to some looney bin. Those nuns'll freak-out if they knew what I was doing." And besides, I think, Vanguard sure as hell wouldn't keep me...I've already shot my chances with the Air Force just by coming here...

He sighs, looking like he wants to say more, but he looks back down to his pad of paper, jotting down notes here and there.

"So...did you make your three days?"

I sigh. "Yeah...it would have been four..." My voice trails off, remembering what happened...

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Sun Mar 16, 2008 4:14 pm

"I'm just sayin, bro. Just someone who isn't crazy."

"In THIS city. You're dreaming, man."

"Nah, dude, seriously!"

Jessica shook her head, overhearing the conversation taking place on the other side of her locker door. The boys had been talking when they walked up, but Jessica knew what they were talking about.

What just about every boy talks about these days...

She grabbed a book on the top shelf to put in her bag. Her hand was shaking, worse than it had been when she woke up.

The night before she had barely slept. Her muscles had kept tightening and loosening all night, so that by the time she got to her first class, she felt as sore as she did when she worked out. Her skin had been crawling, and it took every ounce of strength to keep from digging through her desk to look for her band-aid box.

"Seriously man, you go to Freak High. Might as well enjoy it."

The second boy sighed loudly. "Man...I guess you're right. But still...I just want a normal girl, y'know? One who doesn't shook spikes out of her hands."

The first boy laughed. "Ha! Yeah...or who can read minds."

"Or hell, even blue."

There was a loud bang as the biology book fell to the floor. The two boys jumped, turning to look at the locker door that was open next to them. The door suddenly slammed shut, and Jessica stood there, staring at the biology book on the floor before slowly picking it up and turning away to walk to class.

The rest of the day didn't go by any better. She couldn't pay attention in any of her classes. The crawling under her skin had become a clawing, and the shaking had steadily grown worse until, at lunch time, Noah commented that she should go see the nurse.

"I'm fine, really. Just very hungry is all, I skipped breakfast."

Noah raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off.

The four hours after lunch seemed to drag on and on. She couldn't pay attention, and all through class she couldn't sit still, her body ached so much. She felt like everyone in the room was staring at her, watching her, waiting for her to break down. She cried out once when she dug her nails into the back of her hand to keep from shaking, and used a whole week's worth of restroom passes just so she could get up and move.

Just a normal girl...not blue...

When the bell finally rang, Jessica bolted out the door, nearly knocking over a new freshman girl who stood about three-foot-nothing compared to her. She walked as fast as she could to the girl's dorm, and ran down the hall to her room, tears starting to well in her eyes, and feeling like everyone was watching her as she struggled to unlock the door to her room.

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:22 pm

[[WARNING: Trigger Alert]]

Jessica entered the small room and shut the door, locking the deadbolt. Tears streaming down her face, she leaned back against the door, slowly sliding down until she was huddled in front of it, face buried in her arm. Her body shuddered as she struggled to calm down, a slight mist hanging in the air around her.

Just someone normal...not blue...

She opened her eyes enough to look at her arm. The dark blue of her skin seemed to laugh at her, a few barely visible lines of lighter blue playing across it. She shook suddenly and violently, her muscles contracting again, longingly. Her skin was crawling even worse, to the point of being unbearable. She dug her nails into the back of her hand to try and get her attention off the pain, but it only made the need in her that much stronger.

Not blue...blue...

There was a soft tap and a creak, like someone had gotten off their bed. Jessica didn't even look up, she didn't care who saw her. She just wanted someone to hold her, someone to tell her it would be ok, someone to stop her.

Not blue...four days...blue...four...

There was shuffling in the small common area of the dorm room, followed by a quiet snicker.

"What's wrong with you?"

Jessica bit her quivering lip, frustration turning to rage within her. Her nails dug deeper into her hand.

A slight rustle of clothes, like Scarlett had shrugged. "Whatever. Just move. I'd like to use the door? I don't want to be in here when it floods."

Jessica leaned to one side, shaking a bit, unable to get to her feet. Scarlett just stood, arms crossed. She tapped her foot a couple times, waiting. Slowly, Jessica moved her left foot under her, adding weight so she could bring her other foot up. Her knees wobbled, and she reached for anything to grab onto.

Her leg shook violently. Her knees gave out, and she fell forward, grabbing onto Scarlett. Both girls fell down, and Scarlett cursed, struggling to get up and get Jessica off her. Jessica let go as fast as she could, her hands tingling, but from what she didn't know.

"What the f*ck, Jessica?! Move. Jesus."

Jessica was facedown on the floor, slowly picking herself up. Tears were still falling, and the fog in the air had gotten thicker. She wanted help getting up, she needed help. Can't Scarlett see THAT? See that I NEED help now? See that I'm struggling?

Two words escaped from Jessica's mouth: "F*ck you."

Scarlett stopped, a look of intrigue mixed with triumph on her face. She blinked a few times before answering, "You're not my type."

Jessica lifted her head to look up at Scarlett, white hair covering half her face. "What would that be? The sane type?" She got to her feet, holding onto the door handle to help support her.

Scarlett cackled abruptly before looking Jessica straight in the face. "Well that ain't you, that's for sure. But no, I don't go for the blue ones." With that, she pushed past Jessica, opening the door and walking out, leaving Jessica standing there, holding onto the only support she could find in the room.

The tears wouldn't come. She stood, staring at the center of the room, mouth slightly open. Slowly, she closed the door again, locked it again. She blinked once, and slowly her gaze found it's way to her desk. She walked forward, steadily, the shaking that had wracked her body all day suddenly gone. She opened the top drawer, pulling out the old and beat-up box of band-aids. She opened it and dumped the contents onto her desk. Slowly, she picked up one of the assortment of razors, closing her eyes.

Blue...not blue...not...

There was a sharp pain across her arm.

Time Lapse · Post by **Time Lapse** » Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:12 am

"I love those days when I can just get by and NOT have a flash into the future. Especially during class I go out for two seconds and I wind up missing that one little piece of information that I needed for the next test or it happens in gym class and I wind up getting smacked in the face during dodgeball although, the times that I SEE the ball coming aren't all THAT bad. I actually prefer those days cause I look like I'm actually really really cool...but anyway..."

Jimmy rolled his eyes, quickly shooting a glare over at Ty who was seated across the walkway in the cafeteria. Ty turned to hide his laughter, his body shaking.

"So what about you? What can you do?"

Jimmy turned back to Kristen and smiled, nodding. "Oh, me, yeah...well, I could show you, but I'd probably take the cafeteria with me." He blushed a little in true embarrasment. "I really can't control my power, so I'm not exactly allowed to try and use it."

Kristen nodded. "Yeah, I really can't control mine all that well either." She sighed, picking her fork up again to examine the meat at the end of it for the sixth time, still debating whether or not it was edible. "Wish I had been able to see this coming..."

Jimmy laughed a little, still not very comfortable. "Think you can see food poisoning in our futures?" Kristen dropped her fork, starring at Jimmy. "Was it something I said?" he asked. He waved his hand in front of her face, then noticed that she had started to blur a bit, her features starting to soften and blend. He stood up, shouting for a teacher.
******************************
Images flashed before her, one right after another, slowly coming together until she found herself in her dorm room. April was at her desk, a large book open on top of it. Nothing had color to it, it was all black and white and grey, like it always was. She turned to find a clock somewhere, something to tell her the date so she knew when she was.

There was shouting in the hall, and April looked up and towards the door. Kristen turned suddenly. She recognized one of the voices...the other she didn't want to know, it sounded so cruel and menacing.

"Is THIS how you get off?! You get to play judge AND jury, is that what gets you going? Huh? Is THAT it?"

"Shut up!" the familiar voice screamed. There was a low rumble of thunder, and the synchronized sound of multiple doors opening, shouts from other girls. Kristen ran to the door and opened it, peering outside, April next to her.

The two girls were separated now, the one girl slowly being guided away towards a room closer to Kristen's. She was sobbing, her white hair covering her face. A towel was wrapped around her, and she was still wet. A few girls gasped as she walked past.

Kristen doubled over in pain. The images suddenly started to flash again, broken, out of order, too fast to see. Color slowly started to come back. She closed her eyes...
******************************
"Ms. Parker? Ms. Parker!"

Kristen blinked a few times, looking around. The cafeteria was empty except for the three faculty members seated next to her. Sister Mary Sybil was holding her hand, staring at her intently. Coach Waters was standing, watching the scene before him with arms crossed. It was no doubt he had just arrived and had caused her to return to the present when her powers began to fail because of his presence. Ms. Madrigal, the art teacher, was seated across the table where Jimmy had been sitting. She smiled as Kristen looked around, letting out the breath she had held.

"Welcome back, Kristen!"

Kristen closed her eyes again, breathing slowly. She groaned, hitting her hand on the table. "Shoot...I didn't catch the date when I was there..."

Sister Mary Sybil smiled a little. "That's quite all right. We're just glad you weren't here for a week." When Kristen looked up to ask, the nun smiled and answered the question before it came. "You were gone for an hour. Don't worry, you haven't missed much."

Kristen nodded. "I...I think I need to go talk to Ms. Atwood..."

"Why? What did you see?"

Kristen just shook her head. "I don't know...there was a fight, I was in my room. It...it was a girl in one of my history classes."

Waters spoke up. "Who, Parker?"

"Jennifer? I don't remember her name..." She looked up, embarrased and apologetic. Sister Mary Sybil just nodded, then stood up, helping Kristen to her feet.

"I'll tell Ms. Atwood to make an appointment for you later, Ms. Parker. You should get to class."

Kristen smiled, looking up at the clock on the wall. She sighed, picked up her back-pack off the ground, and with a wave to the three teachers ran off to class.

Scarlett Crosse · Post by **Scarlett Crosse** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 2:28 pm

Continued from: Student Information

Scarlett shuffled back from the bathroom, her lime green flip-flops scuffing on the carpet, her long arms folded up to clutch the white terry cloth around her. She rarely ever let her arms swing free; after multiple growth spurts, it was easier than learning some graceful mastery of her limbs.

Back in the empty quad, she stepped into a pair of underwear and a bra and regarded her closet. Slashed T-shirts and skinny jeans, miniskirts and minidresses. Stockings, sweaters, leg warmers, foot socks and arm socks. She frowned at a whole closet full of knitted tubes. Black, black and white, black and gray, black and red, black and pink. Stripes, skulls, checkers, cherries, camouflage, argyle. How...Hot Topic. Her attempts to avoid fashion conventions only trapped her in another.

Scarlett stalked to the window and threw it open, shivering as the Spring air hit her damp skin. A random array of little white scars in the shape of sunbursts and a bundle of lines across her abdomen all faded into the pale of skin that hadn't seen the sun's rays in over a decade.

And why the hell not? This wasn't Maple Ridge with it's specifically-for-you regulation of long sleeves, long pants, long gloves. Sure, it was similar in a lot of ways that institutions were. Coursework, homework, freaks, restricted campus leave, people who thought they knew what was good for you. But still. Scarlett had to admit it was even just a little bit better. Even if she didn't have friends here. Even if she didn't have anyone who needed--really needed her save for the kids who expected her to peddle Catholic school contraband at drop-dead prices.

She strode back to the closet and pulled down a gray trapeze minidress and tugged it over her head. She stood there a moment, pensive and perplexed, her dressing ritual unexpectedly simplified. Eventually she chose a pair of ribbed knee socks and slouchy black boots and called the thing done.

The mirror showed not a multi-patterned arachnid-turned-human, but something more like the bony, expressionless catwalk girls sandwiched between the perfume ads and the book reviews in Vogue: waifs in Chloé dressed, draped over vintage sofas, dwarfed by giant, alligator leather tote bags in neon shades of hangover puke.

Scarlett giggled at her parody and busied about repainting her blunt fingernails Hollywood Bash red. Jessiy should be so jealous.

It hadn't taken her long to figure out her roommate was a cutter. It was like she could smell it on her. That and Jessica's tells were so damn obvious, like she was just begging to get caught.

Everyone had their stresses and escapes, but something about Jessica bothered Scarlett. She had a rough past and was trying to compensate by taking control, picking up all these responsibilities and leadership roles. But that was adding stresses of its own, so she was grabbing for control again with the cutting. But that wasn't doing it for her, either--she wasn't relishing her dirty little secret like Scarlett saw other cutters do. Because of her other obligations, she was letting the shame of it get to her. It was a cage within a cage within a cage--a self-made one, but a cage just the same. Why couldn't she just let go and accept herself and her own functionality and do what she needed to do even if society, whoop-dee-shit, saw it as flawed? Instead, she just got hostile, a final defense Scarlett knew well. But she could break Jessica, sure, given enough time.

She kicked off her boots and began painting her toenails, too. Hell, maybe she'd go to the beach. One of her clients was having a birthday party coming up. It might require catering.

How much longer would this go on? What would be Jessiy's breaking point? With that overly-defensive attitude, ther-rape-me sure couldn't be helping her any.

Scarlett's features went slack as a sobering realization washed over her. Just how much time did she have to toy with Jessica? It was possible that she was already complaining about her antagonistic roommate to people who would actually move to do something about it. And with Scarlett already on shaky ground as a chronic case, a sociopath, an institutional lifer, news that she was actively bullying a student about self-mutilation could be enough to send her back to Maple Ridge. For good.

She jumped up and lunged across the room to Jessica's desk and tore open the drawer. A quick shuffle uncovered the little Band-Aid box. Furrowing her brow, Scarlett performed limb origami, wound up like some approximation of a Major League pitcher and hurled the tin out the open window.

No, it really would accomplish anything, but now it was on. No more games. It was time for Jessica to get "fixed."

"Cut yourself now, you crazy bitch."

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:05 am

Where is it...oh my gosh, I know I brought it back...

Her side of the room was torn apart. Clothes in a huge pile on the bed,thrown around after she had dug through them furiously. Desk drawers were pulled out all the way, the contents spilled out on the floor.She now had her duffel bag from her weekend stay with her dad in her hands, upside down, shaking it furiously.

Uggh...where did I put it...oh Lord, I hope I didn't leave it there...

Jessica dropped the duffel bag on the bed and plopped down on top of it, surveying the disaster before her. She sighed, rubbing her arm up and down slowly. The motion was more habit than anything else; the sensation was enough, often times, to just calm her down.

In all truth, as she sat on the bed and reflected, she was fine. Her skin was a bit clammy and itchy, and she could feel a deep-seated nausea starting to build in the pit of her stomach, but that was more from the knowledge that she didn't have her razors for some reason, rather than an urge to cut. In fact, I really don't have a reason to do it. Doc Victoria's face briefly popped into her mind, and she sighed. He was always telling her that the best way to start to fight it, was to take a step back, see if she had a valid reason, and if she didn't, then not to do it.

Often times, it was easier said than done. There were times when she didn't feel like being rational. Fortunately, this wasn't one of those times.

She rubbed her legs now, still thinking about where else she hadn't looked. Her eyes scanned the room, and stopped at Scarlett's desk. She clenched her fists. Of course...

Jessica stood up, walking quickly across the room and ripping open the top drawer. It was chock full of random things, a few bags here and there of stuff she was too occupied to really notice or care about. Pens, paper, random oddities, cigarettes, lighters. She hit the bottom of the drawer, threw everything back in, slammed it shut, and then opened the second drawer.

"Well, well, well." Jessica froze; she hadn't heard the door open. Clenching her fists, she jumped up, whirling around to face Scarlett.

"Where is it? I know you took it, this isn't a game. Give it back."

Scarlett cackled shortly, an almost carefree sneer spreading over her face as she flicked a few fingers toward the window. "Maybe some emo squirrel is real happy right now, who knows."

The air crackled in the room as Jessica struggled to keep her powers in check. "What...did you...do...with my box?"

"I threw it out the window. It's time for you to get better."

Jessica stared, mouth open wide, eyes gradually narrowing to slits. There was a soft rumble outside, and the sky that had been nice, bright and sunny was very quickly turning dark. Thunder rumbled softly, and wind began shaking the branches of the tree right outside. "You...did...what?"

Scarlett shrugged, sinking into a bony hip. "You should use your money on hearing aides instead of razors next time you go out. I threw. Them out."

"The window, yeah, I got that...What the hell were you doing going through my desk?"

Scarlett snorted, apparently amused, and Jessica blushed, her face turning a deep purple as she realized the stupidity of the statement. Brilliant...

"Well, you find anything you like in there? I've got lots of other stuff you can kill yourself slowly with." She laughed, and Jessica wanted nothing more than to end this right now. As if she could sense what Jessica was thinking, Scarlett stopped, her smile faded, and she looked her roommate dead in the eyes. "Trust me, honey, you wouldn't want to try and hurt me. Why don't you just go hurt yourself instead."

"I don't know..."

"You don't know what I'm talking about, yeah, yeah, yeah... Bullshit," she spat. "You're a cutter. Why can't you just admit that?"

Jessica closed her mouth and looked away, her face burning in shame. "I am not."

Scarlett turned and snatched up Jessica's purse. She opened it, and before Jessica could stop her, she pulled out a razor blade from the depths of the bag. "This razor is not for emergency shaving. And you might not go through Band-Aids so fast if you didn't keep razors in the tin." She dropped the razor back in the purse and tossed it behind her onto Jessica's bed.

Tears were welling up in her eyes, and Jessica had started to scratch at the back of her hand. They both stood there, silent: Scarlett, arms crossed in front of her, eyes studying the girl in front of her, waiting for her to finally break; Jessica, not looking at her tormentor, tears beginning to fall, the skin on the back of her hand beginning to break.

Jessica pushed past Scarlett, back to her side of the room. She brushed Scarlett's sleeve, and felt a warmth in her arm for only a second. She stopped, head bowed, staring at her bed and the mess of clothes on it. "How did you know?"

Scarlett coughed up another laugh. "You always scratch yourself...you've got a fetish for Band-Aids...you wince whenever your clothes move...your arm is covered in scars...and that's not even counting all the rumors flying around... I really could go on and on, y'know? What, were you trying to get caught?"

Jessica shook her head. "What do want from me?"

"Why do you cut yourself?"

It was the one question she had never answered to herself. The question she always avoided in Doc Victoria's office. The question that killed her with shame when her father asked it.

Random images flew through Jessica's mind. Being held prisoner in the Council base, as they searched for her father. The torture, trying to get any information on who he was and where to find him. Her father looking back at her in the Council base, face overcome with grief as she was teleported away from him. Meeting Volucris for the first time and being told he was all that was left of her father. The stares at the "blue girl," the name calling. James leaving and then returning to find her with Arkady, and then going off and killing himself. Arkady cheating on her with one of the few people she had quickly counted as a friend. Discovering her father was still alive and had been hiding from her. Noah's little secret...

She winced, looking down at her hand. Small splotches of purple covered the back of it, and a few places had small drops of blood forming. She looked at the mess; all of it had been control. It was one thing she could control about her life when everything else was so chaotic.

"I...can't stop. I don't want to stop." She still stared at the hand in front of her. "So much I couldn't control, I couldn't handle." She looked up, her back still to Scarlett. "It seemed like the more I cut, the less of that chaos I had in me." She frowned; none of the right words could come to mind now. Release...Control... That was what it was about. "Controlling my life, MINE...and being able to control some piece of it, some piece of myself when everything else around me was spiralling out of control. I need it..." She looked over her shoulder, barely able to see the girl behind her. "Its one of the few things around here that makes any sense anymore."

"So what's it worth to you if I keep your little secret?"

Jessica turned her head back to stare at the bed in front of her. She wouldn't tell. She couldn't... "You can't...I can't fool you...but the staff around here thinks I'm doing better. If they found out..." The thought of her in a white straightjacket in a nice white padded cell came to mind, and it was less than appealing. She turned and faced her roommate. "You can't."

Scarlett made a, "Hm," noise and hopped onto her bed, beginning to rummage through her backpack. "You know, Jess, you should really quit letting other people tell you how to run your life." She winked then and pulled a fist full of wadded bills from the bottom of her bag. "So some therapist thinks you're fucked up. So what? A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do." A cigarette found its way between her lips and she grinned around it. "Right?"

Storm Scream · Post by **Storm Scream** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:33 pm

******
"I don't want to...not tonight...can you hold onto this...please?" Her hand came out of her pocket, and she held it out to Alex.

Alex looked at the outstretched hand, then up at Jessica. She nodded, slowly, the discomfort and hurt on her face unmistakable. She put her hand right under Jessica's closed fist, their bodies shielding the exchange from the other students. The blue hand opened, dropping the razor into Alex's hand. She sighed, carefully pocketing the razor before embracing her friend. Jessica squeezed, then with a quick wave to the others, flew off to the dorms.
******

"Welcome home, sweetie."

Jessica finished closing the door, grunting in reply before turning to face the smug girl in stripes.

"If it isn't my favorite little nut-job."

Scarlett grinned, blackmail flashing in her eyes for a moment before she turned back around at her desk. There was a faint sound of paper rustling--no doubt Scarlett counting the spoils of her trade. Jessica went over to her own desk, turning on the lamp and emptying her pockets on the desktop. Wallet, keys, cellphone, lip gloss...and then a small package of paper and tape. She went to her closet, pulling off her pants slowly as the more recent wounds on her legs flared up in pain. She must have gasped a little, because Scarlett had stopped for a moment and turned around at her desk again to watch the spectacle. She grinned again, the kind of grin Jessica dreamt of blasting off that demonic face of hers.

"Wow, Blue...when'd you do that?"

Jessica finished kicking off her jeans, starting the search for her pajama pants that were, she realized, more than likely buried at the bottom of the pile of clean clothes that had been pushed on the floor in front of her bed. "Umm...couple days ago." She looked up from her excavation of the clothes mound. "Sorry, I don't sell tickets to the show."

Scarlett shook her head, "tsk tsk"ing before shooting another glance at her roommate and then turning back around. Jessica finally found the pajamas, pulling them on quickly. She sat down at her desk, picking up the package and turning it around in her hands before tearing into it. She grinned a little at the attempt to make it impossible to open, to get to the prize inside. She does know I have, like, a bunch more that I coulda used on this, right? She smirked, the bit of tape she had been trying to pick apart finally coming up.

******
"No...I'm not going to give it to you just so you can hurt yourself again."

"I'm not going to hurt myself, I just want it."

"Why? Why else would you want it back except to hurt yourself again."

There was a pause.
******

Another piece of tape defeated, and the beginnings of the paper to come off the tightly wrapped package.

******
"Because...even if I don't want to cut...it's..."

Alex looked over the top of her glasses, waiting, her arms crossed.

"...it's just...nice to know...that I still have it..."

The confusion on Alex's face would have been priceless, had the conversation not been so serious. "It's nice to know you have it?"
******

"Whatcha got there, Blue?"

There was a small tingling on Jessica's shoulder, slowly working its way down her arm and across her back. She shrugged the other girl off. "Someone thought they'd be funny and bundle up a little gift for me..."

Scarlett perked up. "Ooo... Note from your girlfriend?"

"Screw you...she's one of my closest friends, that's all."

"Whatever. You don't have to be so defensive about it." Another grin, and then she was back on her side of the ever increasingly tiny quad.

******
"I'm not going to give it back just so you can have it."

"Dammit, Alex, give me my razor back. I trusted you when I gave it to you last night."

"Yeah, and I took it so you wouldn't cut last night."

"And now it's the next day, so give it back."

"Jess..."

"No. Give it back. Now. Or I WON'T trust you with it again."

Alex's eyes widened for a second, and Jessica was sure she might start to cry. Eyes locked for a moment; Alex pleading, Jessica demanding.

"...I don't want to..."

Jessica put her cup down, starting to make a move to get up off the couch they were sitting on. Alex grabbed her arm, keeping her down.

"...fine...wait here..."

Alex hopped up, lip quivering, walking out of the coffee shop.
******

The tape was almost completely off now, and the few places where big chunks of paper had come off revealed that there was at least one more layer of notebook paper underneath. Maybe she DID write a note, Jessica thought, trying to un-stick her fingers from the tape as she threw it into the trashcan under her desk.

After a little while longer, the tape was off, and the top piece of notebook paper was in the trash. Jessica opened the other piece, the razor lightly falling onto the desk.

******
Alex returned a few minutes later, looking a little winded, but still very conflicted. Jessica didn't care. She looked up, holding out her hand, waiting. Alex looked Jessica dead in the eyes, her eyes unwavering, still showing the pain in her heart. She reached into her back pocket, pulling out a small package of notebook paper and tape. "Here..."

Jessica smirked at the "gift," taking it and putting it into her own back pocket. She noticed a change in her; she felt calmer suddenly, as if something that had been nagging at her had been overcome. She took a deep breath, smiling a little. "Thank you."

Alex still stared deep into Jessica's eyes.
******

Psalm 91: 9-16

"What-?"

Jessica raised an eyebrow. It wasn't what she was expecting; just one little line, not even a sentence. No, "Love, Alex," no, "You can get through this," not even a, "I hate you for making me do this." Nothing. It was almost...

"Disappointing..." The tingling was back, fainter now. Jessica jumped, crumpling the note in her hands.

"Dammit...don't sneak up on me like that!"

Scarlett snickered, reaching for the paper clutched in Jessica's hands. "Was that really all there was? Sheesh..."

Jessica pulled away from Scarlett, getting up and going towards her bed.

Scarlett plopped down on Jessica's chair, sulking. "Just a lousy little poem in an old-ass book of fairy tales... You people..."

"What do you mean, 'you people'?"

She motioned at Jessica, then stuck a thumb at the wall that was shared with the next quad over, Alex's quad. "You and her and everyone else who really thinks there's some point to believing in that shit." She shrugged, looking interested in some pencils and pens on the desktop, twiddling one around in her fingers. "Besides, if it was that important, she would have written it out."

Jessica was silent, unsure of what to say. Scarlett just kept going.

"I mean, what is with Christians and their goddamn scavenger hunts? Verses, eggs... If the message was so clear, why should you have to go searching for it, huh? It's obviously not that important--just trash it."

Jessica looked over at Scarlett, still in shock, the weight of her words sinking in and dragging her down. She looked at the paper in her hands, then back at Scarlett.

******
"You've made this your idol. It's your own personal golden calf. Can't you see that?"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm not putting this in front of God."

"So when things get too tough, you pray?"

Jessica shifted a little. "Well...yeah...I mean..."

"Yes or no."

Jessica sighed. "Sure."

"And then when that's not enough?"

"Look, whatever you're getting at, you're wrong. This just...I mean..."

Alex crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.

Jessica shut her mouth, thinking before she spoke again. "I haven't replaced God. I still go to Him...I still love Him..."

"Then why cut?"

"Because...I need to..."

Alex's eyes went wide for a second.

"I mean...it's nice...I enjoy it...I...I can't explain it, I don't want to explain it, not to you. But just...I need it."

Alex shook her head. "No...you don't need it. I hope you can realize that."
******

Jessica tossed the paper to Scarlett. "Here..."

Scarlett snatched it, then turned and tossed it into her wastebasket. "There ya go."

Jessica still sat on her bed. "Get out of my chair...I have homework to take care of."

Scarlett put her hands up in surrender. "Whatever you say, Blue." She got up, slinking back to her bed and jumping on top of it, grabbing a Hollywood tabloid off her desk and burying her head in it. Jessica turned to her desk, willing up the desire to do the work she desperately needed to do. Her eyes darted to a pile of papers on her desk near the wall, then back to the razor in front of her. She opened a drawer, sweeping the razor into it and closing the drawer before pulling her English textbook out and dropping it on her desk.

Later that night, Jessica sat up in her bed, flipping on her desk lamp and pointing it towards her bed, away from the sleeping girls. Yuki had come in late, obviously on a date with her "friend," and had been all smiles before she crashed on her bed. Neither she nor Scarlett stirred.

Jessica carefully moved a few papers, digging through the mess on her desk for the book she had been wanting to read for the past three hours. She opened to a bookmark towards the front, sighing softly.

Psalm 91. The passage had been highlighted bright blue years ago, and it jumped out at her still. She went up to where verse 9 was, since that hadn't been highlighted yet, and read down:

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

She bit her lip, closing the bible and placing it back on her desk. She turned off the lamp, and laid back down, trying to go to sleep.

Saint Joseph School

On the edge of forever...

On the edge of forever...

Intervention (part 1)

Intervention (part 2)

Intervention (part 3)

Intervention (FIN)

Therapy is for crazy people...(Part 1)

Just one more day...(Therapy is for crazy people 1.01)

Therapy is for crazy people (Part 2)

Therapy is for crazy people (Part 2.01)

Therapy is for crazy people (Part 2.02)

Future Sight

Re: On the edge of forever...

Re: On the edge of forever...

Re: On the edge of forever...